英语八人搞笑话剧_三笑三国
2012-9-18、歌谱控、人气:(载入中...)
第一幕:人物,赵云 夏侯惇 曹操 蒋干
旁白:就在刚才不久,一个黑大汉从曹操军中救出刘备之子刘阿斗,现在正向这里杀过来,他就是张飞!!!(赵云出场)Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei.
赵云:no!本人姓赵名云,乃常山子龙也! no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~
(赵云从背后拿出一坨布,代表阿斗)
赵云:看!这就是主公的最后一点骨血!刘阿斗!我从火场之中把他救出,而我自己的脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭!(顾影自怜状)look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~.
(夏侯敦挺着枪呈猫腰状杀出)
夏侯敦:小贼,莫跑,要不然我就大开杀戒了(冲到) Children, stop there or i will kill you
(赵云左手抱阿斗,右手与之搏斗)
赵云:可恶!居然敢偷袭我!fuck,!! you bitch dare to attack me ??
(二人装腔作势打斗数招)
赵云:看我九阴白骨爪!!stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!!
夏侯敦:唔!(倒地) oh my gad i’m over
赵云:此地不宜久留,还是快去寻主公!(下)yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~
(曹操、蒋干二人上)
曹操:没想到我们初次出兵便杀得敌人望风而逃!真可谓出师未捷身先死。长使英雄泪满襟! I didn’t expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.
It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful"
蒋干:丞相,您说这话,真不见得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said;
(曹操险些被地上的夏侯敦绊倒)
曹操:咦?这是谁扔的西瓜皮?(转身,看见倒在地上的夏侯敦)Huh? Who threw the banana rind?
曹操:是夏侯爱卿。难道他又在搞什么行为艺术??Do not Xiahou Dun?
Is he engaged in what is called performance art?
(蒋干上前将夏侯敦一顿拍打,二人站起)
曹操:夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮??Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground?
夏侯敦:有一人脸如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band
蒋干:是敌人的保姆!还带个孩子!!!it Is enemy’s maid with a child in his arm.
曹操:那你呢?What did you do?
夏侯敦:i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him i’mfightting fightting fightting我 我…… 我冲上去与之打斗 打 打 打
曹操:然后呢?What then?
蒋干:丞相,看来是夏侯将军杀退了敌人! Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy
夏侯敦:唔唔!(手势如下:指指门外,右手作“九”的样子,随即作全身发冷状,然后指向自己的衣服,再指向曹操,作爪击状)
曹操:然后呢? Then what happened?
夏侯敦:no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it’s so terrible
(曹操、蒋干二人将夏侯敦拉起)
曹操:如此看来,敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击!(慷慨状)It seems that the enemy should not go far. Let’s run after them.
蒋干:有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理……(赞同状) Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ......
夏侯敦:唔!唔唔唔~!(抡起两拳,作欲与敌人搏斗状)
(三人下)
第二幕:人物:刘备 张飞 诸葛亮 赵云
(刘备、张飞、诸葛亮三人上)
旁白:这是的刘备一行人正在军营外观看敌情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.
、
(诸葛亮走在前面,张飞、刘备二人紧跟其后)
诸葛亮:(转头)主公啊,按理说是您走先啦!(恭敬状)old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?
刘备:不啦,军师您身后有好大块荫凉,躲在这里避避暑也不错。No,it’s very cool that I stand just behind you,I can avoid summer heat
诸葛亮:(眺望状)主公,如果我所料不错,现在马上就要下雨了!liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain!
刘备:先生神算!人所不及!不知先生如何知道将要下雨?great prediction!No one can compare with you!just wonder how do you know it’s going to rain?
诸葛亮:首先,天气预报说今天有雨;其次,(以手指前方)看天,那边有一块黑云来了!First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming!
(赵云上)
张飞:哇!那就是子龙啊,想不到这一会不见子龙就换了个新桌面啊!Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute!
(张飞迎上)
张飞:子龙! long
赵云:翼德救我! help!!! brother three.
(张飞下)
赵云:主公!云殊死力战,方保得小主人在此!只是这许久不见啼哭,怕是已经……(悲愤状,取出布包,打开并捧着) boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid...
赵云:kao!这小没良心的,居然还能睡的着!就跟他爹一样!! oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father
刘备:咳咳!
(赵云转身面向刘备)
诸葛亮:子龙,不是我说你,你嘴上就是少个把门儿的,总不能啥实话都往外说啊!?Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!
(刘备怒视诸葛亮,诸葛亮恍如不知,赵云上前,将阿斗递给刘备,刘备捧着阿斗)
刘备:为了你这倒楣孩子,几乎损我一员大将啊!我还留着你赶什么啊,我摔死你吧!!because of you,I almost lose a brave general!Why do I keep you alive,let me kill you!!(阿斗摔下)
(赵云上前,对准阿斗狂踹数脚,诸葛亮上前拉住,赵云始终作势欲踢,诸葛亮用身体压住赵云后,走上前去一脚将阿斗踢飞)
旁白:从今以后,阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country.
赵云:咦?怎么不见关二哥呢? yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu?
刘备:二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去,不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了,现在还在休养呢!:He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.
诸葛亮:哎,太糟糕了,看我,多健康,多健壮!告诉他,多喝三鹿奶粉!(自恋状)!Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder!
赵云:就给这孩子喝成这样儿了!!!(走上前,抚摸诸葛亮,做怜惜状) so you drink to be a foolish?
曹操(在台下):啊~!!!(惨烈地)
刘备:难道三弟又重操旧业了?咱们快去看看!Did zhangfei return to one’s former career ?Go to see what happen?
(三人下)
第三幕: 人物 张飞 曹操 夏侯 蒋干 刘备 诸葛亮
旁白:时间拨回到三分钟之前,张飞大战长坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside,zhangfei fight with caocao’s army on changbanpo
(张飞上,在台上转一圈后,如京剧拿柱般亮相,定格)
曹操和蒋干:嘿嘿嘿嘿!(奸笑中)
夏侯敦:唔唔唔唔……(奸笑中)
(三人奸笑上台)
张飞:哇!火腿肠你回来拉!! Wa!You, The hot dog, come back !
夏侯敦:我靠,又一个黑人,黑人都是很牛x的,我怕了。。。 black man come again , Blacks are very powerful,i’m afaid
曹操:阁下是何人,何以竟有如此美妙的声音!Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!
张飞:我便是那燕(yān)人张翼德!(咬牙)I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth)
曹操:阉人??原来只是一个太监……夏侯敦,上去解决他!
You are the so called coward,aren’t you?xiahou,beat it!
(夏侯敦低头猫腰冲出)
夏侯敦:唔!唔~唔!
(二人打在一起)(定格)
蒋干:丞相,这一仗咱们必输,一会还有桥断水倒流呢!快叫夏侯将军下来吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let’s call Xiahou general to get down quickly
曹操:你怎么知道?How dou you know it?
蒋干:《真三国无双叁》,长坂的任务啊!! "Really,it is the game’s duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!!
曹操:干啊,我看你是太沉迷于网络游戏了。这样既浪费时间又上海身体,你还是听为丞相的一句话吧!珍爱生命,远离三俗啊!
I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and It’s harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.
(张飞与夏侯敦二人继续,张飞一枪击中夏侯敦)
夏侯敦:oh my gad i am over again又被打败了 (蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回)
曹操:唉,如今这世道变了,太监都这么厉害啦!?
Why does that coward become so brave?
张飞:曹贼听着!今日汝等必不能生过此桥! cao ,stops talking! Today you all can’t pass this bridge with a live one!
曹操:汝休得猖狂!今日要不是我手下典韦身死,许诸拉稀,于禁肺炎,李典麻疹,文聘肝癌,张辽痔疮,才不会输给你!shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated!
张飞:你手下终究无人可用!啊,面对此景次请,我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......(音乐起)only you ~~~~~only……you……
(夏侯敦跃起)
夏侯敦:唔唔唔……(以手捂耳,跑下)
曹操:啊!(惨厉的叫声,并以手捂耳)
蒋干:啊!(惨厉的叫声,并以手捂耳)
曹操:这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲!何以如此震撼!(惊惶状)Why is this so shocking!
蒋干:(一手指张飞)快看!丞相!桥断了!水也开始倒流啦!!(转过身去,以手捂耳) Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards(音效:山崩地裂之声)
曹操:aaaaaaaaaa(痛苦吐血状)(定格)
(诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三人上)
诸葛亮:别唱啦!再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦!Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!
刘备:三弟快打住!!(以手捂耳)Stop,stop!!(以手捂耳)
张飞:only you ~~~~~only……you……(余音不绝)
刘备:子龙,快把三弟扛回去。Zilong,carry zhangfei back quickly。
赵云:好的! ok
(赵云上前,以手捂住张飞的嘴,扛走,张飞依旧唱个不停)
(张飞、赵云二人下)
旁白:从此以后有一首歌传唱至今 经久不衰,叫做:only you~~~~ since then, a song become very very famous.The name is
《Only You》.(歌声再次响起,众人谢幕~~)。